Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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