Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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