I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
