i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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