his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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