It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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