Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
