Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize