I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
