Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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