The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
well I can't set my house on fire every night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
