im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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