I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize