There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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