Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
