Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
