I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
