Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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