We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
