i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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