mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
