i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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