I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
