New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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