Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You made out with two different species that night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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