Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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