im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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