my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
