Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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