I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
