KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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