this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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