Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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