have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
