I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
