I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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