i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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