omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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