I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
