Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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