noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
