Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
