yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize