it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
