I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
