Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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