Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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