So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
