Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we should paint friendship bongs
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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