I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize