I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
