I want to stick my p in your. b.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
