ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She even gives head with a lisp.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
