the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
