Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
