Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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