i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
