The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
