she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
