I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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