Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's the barista slut.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
