you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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