Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
