I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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