I'm going to jail i love you
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
