The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize