No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
