did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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