One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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