kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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